"It's from Linda"

“It’s From Linda”

Decades ago, probably in New York Magazine (it fits their readership), I read an article about what a $20 bill could get you in New York City.  Below are some that I remember:  all were about gaining an advantage over other people. 

• Cutting into a line by paying someone to let you in

• Paying a bouncer to get into an “exclusive” club

• Having a valet/garage attendant park your car in a better spot

• Paying someone to let you have the taxi they hailed

It reeked of selfish behavior (including my own: I had “pre-tipped” parking attendants for a quicker-exit space), but, over the years, it also challenged me to find better ways to leverage the power of a $20 bill.

Eventually, it led to something that I have been doing regularly for the past 8-9 years or so, probably averaging 1-2 times a month. 

When I observe someone performing their job in an “ABCD” manner (Above/Beyond Call of Duty), I do the following:

• I gift that person a $20 bill.  
• It’s not a tip and it’s not charity.
• If it’s a job where tipping is appropriate, this is above the regular tip.
• It’s in recognition and appreciation of how they do their job. I tell them their behavior shows they own the job and not the other way around, and that their work-ethic and attitude are noticed.
• I do it quickly and as privately as circumstances and setting allow: I don’t call attention to my action.
• If possible, I speak to their Manager (in some cases, it’s necessary because of work policies for accepting $: this has happened at res stops on toll Interstates) and I tell them what I have done and why: that they have a valuable employee in that person.
• I don’t ask the recipient’s name and I don’t give mine.  Even pre-Covid, I only shook offered hands. (I am already doing something beyond my own comfort-zone and don’t want either of us to be more self-conscious, so I engage minimally: it’s not about me.)

The encounters happens organically:

I don’t go out looking for the meritorious behavior nor do I preset all the criteria for a recipient, so it’s like what Justice Stewart said about pornography: “I can’t define it, but I know it when I see it.”

The recipients have been a cross-section of workers in service and low/minimum-wage jobs. I select by behavior and not by age, gender, color, religion or race: I note those identifiers in the stories below because some were the earliest ones and some the most recent and, thus, they are better remembered. I have no quotas or biases about any group,  but I am aware of my own “Diversity” and how that may be noted by a recipient.  

All recipients have reacted with surprise, some more than others.  As I leave quickly, I can feel them still processing when I walk away.  Of those that speak, many said they weren’t doing anything that was special: it was who they were.  Some said it was just the way they were brought up to do a job.  Others could just say “thank you” before becoming emotional: it’s another reason I leave quickly. The objective is not to embarrass the person or create a scene.  Not once has a person acted entitled.  

Here are some encounters that are still fresh:

–        One of the earliest happened late at night with an older Asian man pumping gas at a rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike.  We shared ethnicity and were probably in the same age cohort.  I guessed from his carriage and clothes that he had seen better times.  His stoic expression while doing “ABCD” work – he cleaned the windshields – added to my keen awareness of how hard life can be for an immigrant and how easy it is in our society to fall multiple economic levels.  When I explained the gift, he listened, accepted, but said little: it was all in his eyes, a mixture of financial appreciation and psychic discomfort.  I was still driving my Porsche then, so the difference in our circumstances was awkwardly clear.  I left feeling that I had done something both right and wrong.  It made me be more aware and careful in both my choices and in messaging so that it would be a positive experience and that it wouldn’t cause a loss of “face”.

–        The 20ish White female manager training a new employee at a specialty quick-food place in NYC on a slow night.  She was very patient, attentive, and kind to the trainee, repeating explanations without becoming exasperated.  I told her how it’s hard to not be impatient when training someone and that the trainee would always remember her patience.

–        The 30-ish slight White male with neck tattoos at a gas station in the Oregon coast, who pumped my gas on a frosty late-Fall morning.  (Oregon and New Jersey are the only two States where you can’t pump your own gas.)  He cleaned the windows of my rental car and worked with urgency as he handled customers at 4 pumps.  He was very earnest and focused on doing a good job and very polite.  When I gave him the $20 and explained why, he beamed and became voluble, sharing that he had three young children, was working two jobs, and how the money would be of help.

–        The 20-ish Black woman in a mid-town Manhattan Starbucks who overheard me ask the counter-person if there were any more bananas.  She tapped me on the shoulder, told me she worked there and was taking a work-break.  She then offered me the banana she had and wouldn’t let me pay her for it.  She was taken aback by the $20 but accepted when I explained the why and then shared that she was an art student and we chatted briefly about the challenges of working full-time and going to college.

–        The Indian Sub-Continent middle-aged man cleaning tables at a Turnpike rest stop in Maryland who was so very careful and thorough spraying and wiping down table tops and even the chairs.  He was all concentration and quick to scan for and clean newly vacated tables with a sense of urgency. I had to find a Manager to approve before he would accept.

–        The middle-aged White woman with a warm smile (she lowered her mask when we spoke) at a Wawa gas-station store in Chadds Ford, PA area last weekend who was wiping the counter of a register with a “Closed” sign.  She saw me holding an item and ready to pay, and waved to me saying “C’mon over here, I’ll open this and take care of you”.  And she did, cheerfully, before resuming cleaning and wiping areas that she saw as needing attention.  When I approached her and explained why I wanted to give her the $20 bill, she was surprised and reluctant, but I was gently insistent and, after I repeated my reasons, she accepted.  As my ride was leaving, didn’t get a chance to speak to the Manager.

–        The very-harried yet cheerful young Black woman at the register of a Harris Teeter supermarket in Dunkirk, MD a few days ago.  As she was scanning the items, I asked her what made her have such good cheer.  She said that she felt blessed to have a job; that she was more fortunate than many; and that her faith in God made her appreciate what she had.  She was interrupted by a trainee on another register needing help, and, before even concluding that situation, being asked by another co-worker to help them.  By then, we were done. I found the store Manager and I told her what I had observed: how the young woman was customer-oriented and also helpful to co-workers, and how she was an employee to be valued.  I then went back and gifted the $20 bill, told her why, and that I had spoken to her Manager.  She said: “If you come here again, you have to find me!” 

–     The thirty-ish White female bartender on the Circle Line tour boat cruise around Manhattan with friends visiting from Scotland in 2016 or 2017.  Her line was never shorter than a dozen or more people.  I finally went, towards the latter part of the cruise and the line was still the same length. Waiting, I watched her being cheerful and patient with tourists with language and currency issues, even as she juggled multiple drink and snack orders.  When I told her one of my reasons was her patience with the tourists, she said that she wanted them to have a good experience with Americans and remembered how kindly she had been treated while traveling abroad.  

I wish I remembered more, but I don’t. I had no interest in documenting each event, as it felt like an invasion of privacy catching someone in a vulnerable moment.

Why have I been doing this and why am I sharing now something that I have kept private, with very few exceptions, for so many years?

My life’s work of some forty-five years has been about affecting individual lives, whether by advancing them in a hiring process or the opposite.  It’s always been my view that taking pride in one’s job and giving it 100%, no matter how menial or “small” that job is in the eyes of others (or even oneself), is a reflection of one’s own character and value system.  It’s at the core of being a good employee and good hire.  I also believe that validating and rewarding that behavior in a worker is important: it benefits the individual, the employer, and the customers. In my professional work, that pride and inner-motivation is often not immediately visible. In our interactions with people in service jobs, their behavior and attitude is front and center and, often, memorable for the wrong reasons.

This is my way to recognize the “ABCD”-behavior Employees:

–        The recipient feels good that a stranger/customer can see their value as an employee (even if their management does not).

–        It reinforces their own value system and the behavior that was rewarded.

–        Words of praise are nice, but a $20 is nicer and enough to be non-trivial to someone earning minimum wage.  I’ve debated giving larger amounts to fewer people – my budget has limits! – but decided that impacting more people was more important.

And, just maybe, it could help spread the behavior if/when a recipient shares the story with co-workers who might then behave differently/better in their job interacting with the public.  (It’s only a hope.)

Last but not least, what I’ve received back is priceless.

And that’s why I am sharing this: in the hope that YOU might consider taking up my “hobby”.

As for why sharing now.  

My Intentional Sister, Linda Frank, passed away on October 24, 2021. While her passing was not unexpected, it didn’t make it easier or lessen the loss. After my parents, she was by far the most influential and impactful person in my life.

Linda was a connector of people, a creator of “win-wins”, a lover of crafts (but was not crafty: she didn’t look for advantages over others), and possessed a marvelous sense of humor (the photo is her take on dressing up for an Easter photo).

In both her personal and professional life and as a Quaker, she was a champion of opportunities and social justice for all, and a great believer in the inherent goodness in all people. Her work-life was one with purpose and meaning and of service to others. We met at U Penn in the early 1970s and became closer and closer until her family and mine were our family. (She also became my boss at one job – Pew Trusts – and a colleague at two others. All three of which I would not have known about or gotten without her input/recommendation.)  Her message to loved ones, read at the memorial service on Saturday, November 6, was a reminder and exhortation to be kind and loving to each other. This is especially essential in these times when so many are suffering – emotionally, physically, and financially.   

And so I offer you this, as one way.

I do ask for one thing. I never shared with her this “hobby” of mine but I know that she would have embraced it. Since she can’t do it now, it would be greatly appreciated if you said:

“It’s from Linda”  when you make that gift.

Thank you.

Harrison

P.S.  Please share the link for this site. This is a “hobby” we can all take up at any time. Thank you!

This is us, Feb 2, 2020, just before Covid, on the wedding day of her daughter Rachel, for which I was the officiant. Linda is second from left, others are one daughter, two of her sisters, and a brother-in-law. All beautiful people and family. (While I am not tall, everyone else in the photo is over 6 ft. in height. 😊)